Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. We're going to talk about time today because I never seem to have enough of it. And I figure that if I dedicate a whole article to the subject of time and stress some of it's finer points, then perhaps Father Time will show his appreciation by granting me a few extra hours each day. This will allow me to be able to complete a couple more important tasks each day such as hitting the 'Snooze' button on my alarm clock at least 15 more times each morning. And speaking of snoozing, there will be none of that during today's lesson which will begin right now:

Patience may be a virtue, but laughter is the only way to survive newbie goat milking. Use this journal to draw hope. There is light at the end of the nipple.

In an effort to reduce the loss of life and limb by suicide bombers, the Iraqi government has opened a suicide bomber range. The government's intention is to encourage all those who are determined to carry out such an explosive termination to execute the insane plan in a way that is being hailed as twice-blessed. The government maintains that it will be blessed because, one, the bombers will be carrying out their hope of putting themselves on the expressway to the paradise of their dreams and, two, they will accomplish their mission without blasting off with anyone else. As Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki stated, "We have established a way for the suicide bombers to achieve their highest goal in a far more considerate way; now, they can blow themselves up in sanctimonious privacy.?

I?m at the age when sleep, especially during the night, is a very fragile commodity. The least little noise arouses my body to full consciousness. I say my body, because I?m not sure my brain is ever conscious. Too much evidence exists to make one believe there aren?t any conscious gray cells in my cranium. At least, that is the opinion of the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, which she has expressed on more than one occasion.

Timothy Ward has decided to start coloring again. Why? Read the article and find out...

What do people talk about when they all believe different things and nobody is sure what the other person believes?

So, time arrived for replacing the living room furniture. Grandpa and I had our same sofa, loveseat, extra chair, tables, and lamps from our thirty-five years of marriage. Still leaning toward denial, we agreed blue remains our favorite color, not one person has fallen all the way to the floor in our chair yet, and parts of the lampshades still block the view of the bare GE 100 watt lightbulbs. Besides, right before the delivery men appeared at my fingerprint-smudged storm do...

Ten multiple choice trivia questions about Halloween history and tradition

Silvio Berlusconi, the media tycoon who became the outspoken, conservative Prime Minister of Italy, was recently handed an electoral plate of spaghetti in the face. Since Berlusconi was a forthright ally of our struggles in Iraq, we must now face the prospect that the newly elected Prime Minister will beat a speedy retreat. So we better get ready to duck. The second plate of spaghetti may fly our way.

Reports of Osama Bin Laden?s whereabouts took a new turn this week when a Pakistani woman reported sighting a tall man in a white robe with matching turban hit his head on a low doorway. The woman's suspicions about the identity of the man were further aroused when she noticed the entrance led to a recording studio. So as not to create suspicion, she approached him without revealing who she thought he might be. ?Are you all right?? she asked, with demur innocence. ?No,? he said. ?How can I be all right? Besides just cracking my head on this low doorway, I?m Osama Bin Laden.? ?Really?? she replied, thinking of the $25-million reward for turning him in, as well as her opportunity to contribute to the triumph of justice.