Accompanied by a currently employed general, who, as the head of The Joint Chiefs Of Staff, is his usual sidekick, he stated, ?As The Secretary of Defense, I think I should at least be on an equal footing with a retired general, and, after careful consideration, I decided to become one.?

While the Theory of Evolution has received numerous challenges since Darwin proposed it, none seems to have taken the scientific community with such devastating surprise as a theory recently proposed by a French Chef from Bordeaux. Andre Dumier, who operates a One Star Michelin restaurant just outside the city of Bordeaux, advanced the theory after contemplating what he considers the first requirement in the various stages of evolution ? the availability of food and, in time, wine. We were fortunate in being able to arrange an exclusive Newslaugh interview. NewsLaugh: Would you please explain your theory? Dumier: But, of course, monsieur. The great flaw in Darwin?s Theory is that he puts Natural Selection before the existence of food to select. NewsLaugh: Say, that?s interesting. Can you elaborate? Dumier: It is my pleasure to do so. To me his Theory of Evolution does not make a primary place for the existence of food. Let me explain. Do you think the fish evolved in the ocean before there was plankton for them to dine on? Of course, not. They would have starved! And, if they could not survive, how could you have Survival of the Fittest? NewsLaugh: Do you have another theory to propose? Dumier: Oui, monsieur. Survival of the Fullest.

This story was told by one of my friends (and edited by me). I can?t say for sure if the story is true but in case of dire need personal information about the participants has been changed.

One of the best and funniest April Fool?s tricks was invented and played by me last year. I should say that my friend and me used to make fun of each other regularly on April Fool?s Day with varying success...

In the wake of the sudden death of its now fragmented leader, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, Al-Qaeda in Iraq polled its somewhat shaken members about who would like to take over Mr. Zarqawi?s job. After a determined effort, the group was able to find a terrorist who, though expressing understandable reluctance, was eventually persuaded to accept the expectedly short-lived position.

A newborn infant, who showed unusual promise in the hospital nursery in the modulation of her of coos and cries and was immediately swept from her mother?s arms to Harvard University, has now been disgraced as a mere plagiarist. It seems that the infant, commissioned to write an original succession of coos and cries by a wily book packager, had listened to the coos and cries of her fellow newborns during her brief stay at the hospital and, intentionally or not, had copied them.

I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!

The lead attorny for America stated, "Will you please tell us what other country in the world, besides your own, you would prefer to possess the amount of power America has. We are, in fact, the first nation in the history of the world that could conquer it but, in addition to being freedom-loving people that the whole idea offends, we?re savvy business people to know we just can?t afford the worldwide upkeep. The only thing that stands in the way of a big win for the U. S. is finding a country where we can conduct the trial."