Don't you just hate people who talk on their cell phones while they drive? Blindly babbling away, not paying attention to the road, endangering everyone nearby ? so inconsiderate. Anyway, today while I was chatting on the phone and driving to the dentist ?

(Extended spoof, presented In 10 installments of 4 pages each. This is the second installment; previous ones are included on this site, in case you miss one.) "They all seem impressively genuine in their intentions," Dr. Coburn replied. "As young people are prone to do, they actually want to do their part to help save the world ? and now they see a practical way to proceed.? ?We shall see. But, even if you are able to inculcate your linguistic nonsense, how long do you expect they'll abstain before their fulminating libidos overwhelm your flimsy barricades?? ?Until they are comfortably and safely married. I also assume that the most diligent students will continue to maintain a commendable degree of procreative moderation in wedlock.? ?Please, they?d all be much safer simply using condoms.?

The stress of the Mother's Day card.

Pope Benedict has courageously asked for recommendations from fellow ecclesiastics about whether or not a couple, in which one member has AIDS, may use condoms for the prevention of disease. We assume, for the greater glorification of the Church, that neither he nor his advisers are at the expert level when it comes to either topic. So we think he would wisely bring enhanced credence to whatever he decides if he were to meet with couples who have hands-on experience.

There upon the field were arrayed preteens and teenagers, outfitted in baseball uniforms touting the usual major league entities ? such as the Mets and the inevitable Dodgers. Within hardly an inning, the gamesters proved capable, not only of pitching, catching, and hitting the ball, but of actually being able to become excited by participation in the traditional pastime. As daylight faded and the lights shone forth, I was winningly assured that there is hope for the youth of America and, by extension, for resilient youth everywhere.

Look far and wide, and what do we see? The most civilized nations, at least, the ones we've got at this point in our nascent human development, having made an uneasy accommodation to behavior that they would historically wretch at as downright repellent. It?s none other than the law of Hammurabi, or tit for tat, writ in TNT. So we arrive at the big question. What hath terrorism wrought?

The brilliant British astrophysicist, Steven Hawking, has invited people to submit suggestions to his Website via Yahoo on how the human race might last another hundred years. Given that the dinosaurs lasted about 150 million years and we?re worried about making it ? given our 100,000-year-or-so history ? to a mere 100,100, we decided we must, after all, be even less perspicacious about what it takes to survive than the lofty dinos. To moderate any possible abbreviation of our stay, we thought we?d present ten ideas that we call ?Look, Dummy.? Since one of the delights of writing this informed laugh fest is knowing we don?t have a single reader who could be even remotely described as a dummy, these ideas are obviously intended for your amusement but might also serve as a convenience when you come across people who seem to have a certain impenetrability when it comes to what is gaspingly obvious. 1. Look, Dummy: A tree. You can?t make one, so don?t cut them all down.

Saddam Hussein, in his latest bid to escape execution for crimes against his own people, has applied to McDonald?s for a franchise. The application is widely regarded as a move by his defense team to convince the court that, if his life is spared, he will be a model citizen in the Iraq of the future. In his application, Hussein states that he has a great deal of fast-food experience from his months on the run. He also states that, if granted the franchise, he will cease an...

Twelve multiple choice trivia questions about horses

As if the Muslim religion didn?t have enough problems in the often less than mutually tolerant text of the Koran, now its radical exponents have run afoul of Kant?s ever-present Categorical Imperative. How? As Muslim murders Muslim, the warring Sunnis and Shiites each maintain that their religion lends support to their bloody sectarianism. To the extent that it does, it runs counter to K?s Categorical Imperative, which, as every schoolchild in America is taught by the age of five, states, ?Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law." In other words, set a good example, in fact, one so laudable we can all join in.